Планирав да избегам (Нацрт 2) (Macedonian)

За сега,
игнорирајте пушки, и
звуците на убиство.

Хаос и какафонија
се игрите на улица.

Фантазирајте во текот на денот
но спиењето се крие ноќе,
Реков.

Планирав да избегам:
тоа требаше да биде за неколку дена.
Красомила едноставно мораше да се скрие
малку подолго пред нашата авантура
далеку од градот, надевајќи се на дневна светлина.
Скриј драги, реков, почекај
додека не ја земам твојата рака.

Реков да чекам:
Имам планови и
останете со Лилјана
се додека не биде безбедно да ја напуштите куќата.

Не сакам да верувам во вестите.
Тоа не може да биде тоа
Го напуштив Красомила во нашето соседство
мислејќи дека ќе има повеќе време

Болен сум. Ги гледам сирените и
Имам лошо чувство. Не јас.
Не сакам да го гледам ова.

Како може да биде Красомила?
Дали убавината крвави?

Црвената темнина лежи
на нашата слатка патека.
Полицијата го опкружува базенот крв
и забележи мртвото тело.

Предупредување пластична лента, како хартија
задушува дневна светлина
и ракетите се обележани
со нумерирани докази картички.

Постојат вести камери насекаде,
и светли светла

Не можам да се доближам до местото на злосторството, бидејќи
постојат компликации.

Не постои начин да му кажете на светот
дека ја сакав
—————–
For now,
ignore guns, and
sounds of murder.

Chaos and cacophony
are the games on the street.

Fantasize during the day
but sleep is hiding at night,
I said.

I was planning to escape:
it should have been in a few days.
Krasomila simply had to hide
a little longer before our adventure
away from the city, hoping for daylight.
Hide dear, I said, wait
until I take your hand.

I said to wait:
I have plans and
stay with Liljana
until it is safe to leave the house.

I do not want to believe in the news.
It can not be that
I left Krasomila in our neighborhood
thinking that there will be more time

I’m sick. I see the sirens and
I have a bad feeling. Not me.
I do not want to see this.

How can it be Krasomila?
Is beauty bloody?

The red darkness lies
on our sweet path.
Police surround the pool of blood
and notice the dead body.

Warning plastic tape, such as paper
stifles daylight
and the missiles are marked
with numbered evidence cards.

There are news cameras everywhere,
and bright lights

I can not get close to the crime scene, because
there are complications.

There is no way to tell the world
that I loved her

NOTES: I couldn’t find “Daydreaming” as distinguished from “Dreaming” so I tried “Fantasizing”. I elaborated and danced around so I could avoid the issue of “shooting” meaning shooting a movie. I still didn’t fix the missile vs. bullet thing. I was surprised they had cacophony — that’s helpful if it’s really that. Calling the corpse “it” was a problem so I said it a different way. Some meanings have changed but sometimes it’s serendipitous and I just give up on what I originally wanted to say. If someone likes the result, I just say, “Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I meant to say.” If they don’t like it, I blame everything on the translator.

3 thoughts on “Планирав да избегам (Нацрт 2) (Macedonian)

  1. Really cool. In terms of the translation mishaps:

    -Line 5, it should be улицата (the ta in the end gives it the meaning of “the street”, otherwise the sentence reads as ‘are the games on street’
    -Line 16, чекам should be чекаш as the first word is “I wait” and the second is “you are waiting”. And I am assuming as you are telling the person to wait, it should be the second word (chekash)
    -Line 31, pool of blood didn’t translate well in that google translate thought you meant a swimming pool of blood (in which case it should be written as базенот со крв. But as you meant I think
    -Line 32, google translate made it think you meant notice as in notify or “mark” so the dead body was recorded, when I think you mean’t notice as in observed or seen on the floor. In that case you would change забележи to го примети (they noticed the dead body…).

    But overall loved the result, this is a lot of fun. If you ever write a poem in a book and wish to have a Macedonian distribution speak to me haha!

    Like

    1. Thanks very much. I’ll come back with a more detailed response after I’ve had a chance to think about it. I think I have to come up with a better system for doing translations. Right now, I do a long list something like:
      Tentative English 1
      Google translation 1 of English 1 into Language X(1)
      —————
      Translation of X(1) back to English(2)
      ======
      Notes on misunderstandings and search for synonyms and new phrases with the right connotations.
      =======
      Tentative English(3)
      Google translation of English(3) into Language X
      ————-
      Translation of Language X back into English
      ===
      notes
      ======

      sometimes I open 2 windows or more. But cutting and pasting is hard to keep track of with more than 2 windows. Oh, I see this is hard to follow in the abstract. Maybe next time I’ll show all my notes and tentative series of translations, but sometimes I try to go up and back quickly keeping ideas in my head because writing every notion down slows things down so much that I forget what I was thinking (which might be several things that flash by — typing is very slow… I used to do everything on paper with cross-outs and arrows but that was for writing poems and stories where I didn’t need the computer so directly.) I wish I could get my “concept language” project going again — I wanted a “word” to represent several pages of explanation but be standardized: like when you say to someone, “Oh yes, that’s like that scene in the movie that we both saw.” If the scene’s meaning were standardized there could be a single word for it…. Well, anyway, it’s 4:24am in the morning here and I don’t think my coffee is working, so this might be a little scatterbrain…
          Thanks for your feedback. I’ll probably be back a little later. I guess you’re almost mirror pm..,

      Liked by 1 person

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