Soda (Revised)

Soda (Draft 5)
[I rejected this a long time ago and put this aside because the objects used as metaphors were all mixed up. So for the “fruits” of love, the fruits were mixed up and inconsistent*]

Love’s first miserable fruits are mashed, and
bubbles of thought are bottled like fizzle

It’s cherry mash on lips of ideas
a waiting kiss awaits a bliss, but lips

will sip a lament like grapes, some
lingering thoughts in fermentation, but

bubbles of thought are trapped, and
capped in a soda bottle
for shipping away.

These thoughts of Liz are brewing
like ideas in effervescence, and
bubbles in cherry foam form
a pressure to open a lid
an expectation for fizz, though
a warning label pleads

thought bubbles are trapped.
Don’t shake me; I’ll explode, but

let the bottle break
for foam across the table, for

the genie of the vapor
will make a cloud of bubbles
and tickle laughing Liz.
================================
*
Love’s first miserable fruits are mashed, and
bubbles of thought are bottled like fizzle


It’s cherry mash on lips of ideas
that sips a lament like grapes, such
lingering thoughts in fermentation, but

[The mash can’t sip. It’s the lips that sip. The wrong subject is referenced in the second line. If the subject is “lips of ideas” then maybe second line should be “sipping a lament like grapes,” as a dependent clause modifying “lips”]

bubbles of thought are trapped, and
capped in a soda bottle
for shipping away.

These thoughts of Liz are brewing
like ideas in effervescence, and
bubbles in cherry foam form
a pressure to open a lid
an expectation for fizz, though
a warning label pleads

thought bubbles are trapped.
Don’t shake me; I’ll explode, but

let the bottle break
for foam across the table, for

the genie of the vapor
will make a cloud of bubbles
and tickle laughing Liz.

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