The Need To Say (Draft 1)

I always wondered if
you kissed my gifts, ’cause
you really needed them

Tulips for you when I was blue
so you wore the blue dress for me

You tickled me and needled me
’cause you loved my laugh
your two lips often said

And too when you were blue
I almost gushed a thought to you
I never said, but

I love Fontina cheese for melting
and on a lily day, I

made you a lasagna
and you said
there were layers to the fragrances
of Parmesan, of provolone, of wet flour
creaminess to mascarpone, though you
thought I said
mass car pony, and
I had oregano and basil
but I couldn’t buy you
a pony or a car —
only a heart race
at a pace of joy

But now you’re away
and I’m in a cold place

And you always said
I’d share a space
with Santa Claus
at the North Pole

I’d love to see you again
just for a laugh and a pony ride.

5 thoughts on “The Need To Say (Draft 1)

  1. I always love your romantic poems. So many lovely lines.i liked the “tulips for you when I was blue” and the “mass car pony” made me giggle. Lasagna does sound delicious. How have you been doing? Everything ok? I’ve still been pretty down about Petals and My son moving. Trying not to be but it’s hard.

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    1. Thanks. It was a wild search. I was commenting and someone reminded me of the song “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” (originally a 1965 Italian song, ‘”Lo Che Non Vivo (Senza Te)”, by Pino Donaggio and Vito Pallavicini) . And I wanted to do something with that sound and rhythm, but after a few tries, I gave up, and just couldn’t do it to that pattern. Then I was thinking Italian and wanted to know what 5-cheese Lasagna was officially. I’ve made Lasagna with a lot of different kinds of cheese. But the recipes I found for “5-cheese” had all kinds of cheese I never heard of. Oddly they mentioned “mascarpone”, and said that it’s often mispronounced. So I went to the google translator that has a voice for some languages and I listened and heard “ma·scar·pó·ne” which sounded to me like mass-car-pony. Anyway, I think it’s like cream cheese. And ricotta is like cottage cheese. Anyway I don’t like to use those two: I think it sort of dilutes the taste and doesn’t let it be sharper. I think I once managed to find 5 sharp ones to use. I think I started this whole thing because I heard them say to use the five senses in a poem if you can. For smell I thought of flowers but they’re too cliché, and then there’s taste etc.
          They still haven’t done repairs yet. It’s complicated. My building is mostly condo’s where people own their apartments and pay a mortgage. I’m one of the last renters. I have to call a special agent who gives the OK to the building super, and he has to call her back with his plans and she approves whatever work they have to do. This seems like it might be a major project where they rip out the walls in the bathroom and replace the pipes or something, and redo the tiles. But meanwhile they’re tearing out the outer bricks and re-doing it for the whole building. Next week they’re finishing the scaffolding and will start with my side of the building.
          Petals & Son, those are hard things to bare. I think they had a TV show about that. No not really. Yes, it’s very hard and I’m sorry you have to go through all that grief.

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      1. The five cheese lasagna sounds delicious. I would probably ommit those two cheses as well though.

        They STILL haven’t done your repairs?? Omg, you’ve been dealing with that issue for a long time now. I hope they can get it fixed soon for you! Maybe they’re planning on doing it when they get to your side of the building?
        Eric is leaving for Texas tomorrow. He’s going down there for two weeks and then driving his friend back up here that he is getting an apartment with. I’m worried sick. This is his first time away from home without me and it’s so far to drive…

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        1. OMG kids on a road trip. That does sound stressful. I hope they drive safely. I’m glad it’s Texas and not Louisiana or something. Kids growing up is super-fast… I mean they’re just forming a rudimentary sense of self at age 10(?) or 5th grade, and then in 8 or 9 years they’re supposed to learn everything. Yikes. It’s a long road.

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