Mrs. Claus wanders off

Mrs. Claus Hates Sonnets (2)
[Modified the original from 2007. I think it’s less awkward now]

Santa Claus left her
a sonnet to read:

The romp of love beguiles, a playful horse
my heart a rider gripping spirit’s trip
a bit of banter falls from saddled lips.
A candor canters, musical in source
a clip-clop hoofing it, my fruit is tossed.
Her lust is cantaloupes so sweetly quipped
yet love’s a cherry deeply red of lip
outspoken rips in bound’ries’ gorgeous loss


I know you love me mole and mountain bluff.
I show my cards, won’t raise to bluff a love.
It’s real this deal of sharing zeal, a bliss
no gamble oneness riding thought enough
to join two souls, a coup by doves
who fly with coos to play the music’s kiss

But music’s blue bliss
was missing in his lists, and

Mrs. Claus hated his bluffing,
his gruff buffoonery, for
rarely did she see
in his cherry lips
or in his cheeks
a true love felt, but

she could play nice
with farce no more, for
fantasy wishes held in
boxes and bells
could not suffice, and
she wrote poems
in free verse alone

Yet
Santa answered
delightful letters
from giddy children, and

she received letters
of rejection from the
poetry editor,
a trochee donkey
iambic like an ass, thus

she hated when the big one
went away on Christmas,
when the snow looked like
semen dried up and flaky,
Nick’s departing stomach
like a pregnant indulgence
she’d want herself, hence

Finally, one Christmas
when no more
could she count
snow flakes on her tongue,
the elves, the reindeer,
the orphan toys, when
her emptiness drove her
to insanity, finally she
drove to the city of sin
in an empty sleigh with
her naked body wrapped only
in a fur coat, its pocket containing
her Santa cell phone, then

She left the sleigh,
tied the reindeer to a lamp pole,
strolled the streets showing a leg,
singing “Ho, ha, ha”; Heaven’s
white tears covered her head as
she peered into snow’s grasp
waiting for a finger of love, but
gasped to see a lost girl like a dove

So she hoo, ha, ha’ed the girl
’till the crying subsided,
asked her name
heard Lisa

“Where’s your Daddy?”
She didn’t know,
said he went for a quickie walk.

As Mrs. Claus looked to find him
in thickening snow, her head wore
a white crown of sorrow. Though

Lisa skipped and jumped
a treat of laughter like
a calf not straying too far,
waiting for an available teat

Mrs. Claus walked, showing a leg. A man
appeared from nowhere, laid
his hand on her thigh
like a roadway, followed the path

but stopped, noticing
her glistening tears. Peering
into her eyes, he saw
he knew her
once before

Just then, the
Santa cell phone rang.
The Elf Secret Service said,
there’s been a sleigh crash, and
Santa is dead.

The world was wrapped in gloom
as Mrs. Claus
brushed snow from her head

Joy fell from artificial boons
and wrappers filled the ocean

With a poof
unreal gifts
vanished in a twinkle,
elves all banished
to a realm of puff

Starlight appeared
on Lisa’s tears,
a word on innocent lips:
“Can we all be married, Daddy?”

With a ho, ho, ha
and a ho, ho, ho
they vowed to
do better with love
to listen to snow
gust up and swirl,
to see a gift like a crystal
had already been born

4 thoughts on “Mrs. Claus wanders off

  1. I think it’s an excellent revision! I remember this one from years ago. How are you? Hope all is going good! We are going to my parent’s house in a little while. We already opened Christmas morning presents and stockings here. Eric and his friend Jesse liked their gifts.
    Merry Christmas!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Holy cow, this is fantastic. So much in the details that make it sobering and as well humorous. Loved this especially:

    “she received letters
    of rejection from the
    poetry editor,
    a trochee donkey
    iambic like an ass, thus”

    Oh Mrs. Clause, I relate.

    A mind-blowing piece, Doug. Will have to go for a re-read later when my brain is not so foggy, hahaha. Hope you have a happy holiday and a Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Goodness gracious, it’s a pleasure to get a comment, thanks. In silence, I never know how a piece is working out. Thanks very much. Have a happy holiday and a happy new year.

      Liked by 1 person

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