New Year’s Resolutions in What People are Calling September

Resolutions About Losing Weight

    So it’s time for New Year’s Resolutions. There are the minor ones to get out of the way. The first one is that I’ll stop procrastinating. The second is that I’ll lose weight by throwing out heavy boxes and barbell plates, and any extra sacks of potatoes. All that extra weight is cracking the foundation of the building.

Time Warp

    But before I mention the important ones. Let me just say a word about how weird it seems today. Ever since I left the Rip Van Winkle Inn on New Years morning, it’s been puzzling. Suddenly, all my calendars are wrong, and I have a flood of mail in my boxes. Overnight I’ve grown a long beard. Usually, it takes at least a week to look like I’m growing a beard, and my hands look like they have claws.
    And there’s some sort of practical joke going on every time I mention the day. I mean, it’s January 1, 2022; isn’t it? Well, yeah, I concede maybe it’s January 3rd at most if I had a hangover or something. But it does feel like a Saturday and not a Monday.

Doing a Language Translation

    OK, so my main New Year’s Resolution is to try again to translate the Utd’mbts language into English. I think that this year I’ll postpone deciding on a full transliteration scheme. As a temporary measure I’ll either assign a number to a “word” that I’m working on, or assign an ad hoc stand-in with Latin or Greek letters. I don’t think I’ll use diacritical marks, but maybe I’ll use a color scheme for intensity and direction like a vector. I will postpone dealing with pronunciation because there are so few native speakers available to me except for Zawmb’yee Nuje.
    My friend Zawmb’yee Nuje, the High Priestess of the Ut’ishsih people sometimes speaks Utd’mbts, a difficult language. It uses some dream-like metaphors, but in my last attempt at translation, I did take time to define a few words to sprinkle around. Each word took a page to explain. Each was more like a parable. Now I think I want to actually write the full language in some way. I think I want to start with Lower Utd’mbts which is a simplified version used by children and other learners. Perhaps later I’ll tackle Upper Utd’mbts.
    In Upper Utd’mbts, a word is a trigger for a thought. A stem word represents a concept, a parable, or a story. These would be equivalent to a page or more of English, but it is standardized and memorized by native speakers. Except for the fact that it’s not standardized, in English people sometimes speak in the manner of Utd’mbts by allusion:
    If two speakers are both familiar with a particular movie, they will say that a situation is like a particular scene in that movie. If there were a vocabulary of memorized scenes, it would only require that a standardized set of parameters be selected and memorized so that a prefix and suffix would modify certain aspects without making the word too long. I’ve noticed that a lot of expressions are coined, become fads, but disappear quickly before they becoming codified. Pejoration destroys a lot of expressions that might have been useful if formalized. I heard a speaker talk about ‘climate change’. But I think he is virtue signaling his cry-wolfing like Chicken Little. And I’ve noticed that people in making analogies are ‘World-war-2’–ing their opponents by changing a few parameters of an event. My namesake, Kvizee Doug, wrote about it in his blog-diary novel “The Blog That Would Destroy the World.”

The Ut’ishsih People

    In the Ice Age, they were saved by Extraterrestrials who took them to underground caves where they were given an endless source of energy like an artificial sun but much cooler, and many machines which they didn’t understand but could operate. Over thousands of years, most of the Ut’ishsih people migrated to the “up-top” world and assimilated, forgetting their language.
    Anyway, that didn’t go very far and I didn’t fully flesh out the underlying cited language. My original idea about how it is constructed was that a “word” represents a “concept”, a parable, a story, or a fantasy sequence. I thought that in the learning process, a dictionary would give a page or more of explanation for each word, BUT the “word” was not to be abstracted but should remain as the trigger for an internal thought that was as complete as the original explanation. After learning each meaning through meditation and memorization of the visual fantasy (dream-like and metaphorical), each “word” would remain dense and complete in meaning as if the entire ‘dictionary page’ had flashed by in a second each time the “word” was heard or read.

Starting Over From Scratch

    Now that the Kvizee (Royal Magic Poet) has given up explaining more than a few words scattered about, I’m starting over from scratch. I think I wasted too much time coming up with sounds and transliteration schemes. I thought I had sped up the process a little by choosing exemplar English words, assigning a number for each letter, and considering the concatenation to be a base 26 number that could be transformed to another number that was then changed letter by letter to an Utd’mbts word. If it was unpronounceable I stuck in vowels at a whim. Then I searched on the internet to make sure there was no such word in any other language. Anyway, that was just a grand procrastination to avoid getting to the core issues.
    So now I have a few ideas on how to proceed. I can start with an “exemplar page (250 or more English words) and choose a set of parameter words that would be numbered and reserved as parameters to be used in a prefix for the “word” that the page explains. The “exemplar page” is a concept, parable, or story that is reused with parameter substitution. The way I’m defining it is that the parameters of the prefix are to be substituted for the “exemplar parameters” in the implied page.
    I’m also thinking of various two letter “type” prefixes such as an equivalent to BT(because…therefore). So the structure would be something like BT|parameters|Word|Conclusion-Word|
    Also included in the two letter “type” would be implied progressive and past participles like “-ing” and “ed”. |doing this|Word|Word consequence|. |guided|Word|Word result|.
    I’m delaying transliteration schemes but I’m thinking maybe Latin alphabet for words and Greek for the “type” prefix. Morphemes, gosh, I don’t know: not too many. I want it to look like a relatively moderate sized word despite being dense in meaning and at least having the pretense of being pronounceable. Yeah, I know, Utcoozhoo always said, “Tiglekso!” (don’t worry).
    Just thinking about this is very anxiety producing and discouraging. I had thought that the fictional blog diary of my namesake trying to re-learn the lost language would have pushed me along into making it up as I went along. But that was a fiasco because there were almost no comments.
    I don’t think I want to do an extant language equivalent. I think that we think more in pictures than in sounds, and I don’t think that an intuitive flash or eureka moment involves any sounds. But it is a ‘language’ of some kind, very metaphorical or dream-like.

Have You Made Any New Year’s Resolutions?

If you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution today, how many hours will it take for you to break it?

Is your clock and calendar broken too. The computer says September 27, 2022. But it’s January 1, isn’t it?

OMG, Wordle Is Like Bowling

In Some Games I Don’t Understand Purpose or Prestige

    I had a revelation a long time ago about Bowling. They had a TV show featuring “professional” bowlers. I watched a person who had perfect form, stance, and delivery — nothing quirky or erratic. He bowled all strikes, a perfect game. It was boring because he didn’t get to show-off his skills knocking down splits with very elaborate spin, speed, and technique for different splits. The hardest split is when the 7 and 10 pins are left standing after one throw. Each is in the back on opposite sides. There are no other pins near-by. So you have to throw real hard and just touch the edge of one pin in such a way that it bounces off the wall and flies across to knock over the other pin. But the thing is: if you’re really a professional and practice a lot, there is no excuse for NOT getting a perfect score. A given speed and form, spin or no spin, aimed correctly in the traditional pocket or off-target but with a violent spin and speed should always yield a strike. But, actually, I’d say that the 7-10 is really cheating because the idea of the game is to have pins in a chain-reaction knocking each other over — bouncing off the wall is not in the spirit of the game.
    Speaking about bouncing off the wall. I’d say that doing a statistical analysis of which letters are most commonly used in English for Wordle in order to choose a start word is too professional. The basic idea is to show your skill and literacy in the English language, at least as far as 5-letter words. So choosing a random or intuitive start word gives a chance for a 7-10 split, so-to-speak. But actually, I don’t think that essays with 5-letter words are that interesting. I think a mix of clean, sexy 4-letter words through to an 11-letter obfuscation is more likely to be an elegant 7-day wonder.
    Oh! I think we have two opportunities for psychology grad students to do studies. One would be to study whether there is a correlation between bad bowlers and people obsessed with Wordle. A second study would compare the success of three strategies:
    1. Psychics using their best intuition about what the next day’s word will be, and using it as the start word (or last word if successful). Or if clairvoyant, they could draw a picture. So, for example, if they draw a boat, you’d look for a 5-letter word for “boat” like YACHT.
    2. Best statistical choice of start word.
    3. Best choice-words from swearing bowlers (5-letter).

So what’s your best word for tomorrow?

P.S. with Spoiler for Wordle #446

P.S. I only just discovered this game early this morning ( Sept. 8 ) and I was totally confused about what I was supposed to do and why. I thought I was fooling around with some demo model or something. So, I thought, what the hell, I’ll take a chance with it, so I put in “fling”. No reason. Just wanted to see how it worked. So I got “L” in second position. Then I realized that everything else was wrong and eliminated. Then I thought about things that go with “L” as a second letter. That was very annoying — everything I thought of was not a 5-letter word like “always” which is 6, or alight(wrong by length and “i” is already eliminated. So I was mad because I was wasting time for nothing. Then, trying words starting with “SL” seemed possible. After more wasted time when I was about to give up, I entered “sleep”. With it revealed that “S” did not come first I eventually got to CLASS. That took so much time that I vowed never to do it again. Only after feeling totally humiliated did I realize that 3 tries is OK: fling, sleep, class.

Fauci Lasagna

Add Meat to Lasagna for Meaning and Substance

    When enhancing your culinary skills, do be sure to include a variety of meats. Here it is suggested that you obtain 4 Fruit Bats from the Seychelles Islands (Pteropus Seychellensis). Consult with a 5-star professional chef with masters degrees in Seychelles History, French and Italian cooking, and one with a full liability insurance policy for accidental poisoning (similar to the policy for Fugu chefs).
    Prepare a marinated fruit bat curry. There are many fine recipes such as this, but N.B. (note well), none of the authors of these recipes endorses or approves of these off-use prescription recipe alternatives. Be extra sure that you remove all the skin. Cut around the neck first, then the back and pull in the direction of the hind legs. Remove legs carefully according to Gray’s anatomy or similar book, and finish. Remove the sebaceous glands in the skin of the shoulders. The head and wings need to be removed as well as all the internal organs. All other glands that make for a bitter taste should be taken out. Consult with the chef for this, and ignore his screaming ( it’s good practice for a TV show). Be sure to wash very well to remove small bones. See that the chef gives you a certificate of completion before continuing to cook the curry. Make the marinade and wait a long time to avoid fainting. Once the bat curry is finished, set aside, but be sure to write in your notebook that the teaspoon of turmeric needs to be balanced by adjustments in the usual tomato sauce recipe for the lasagna. Some lime juice and cumin will do. Adjust to taste.
    After the bat has marinated for two hours in the refrigerator, turn on the oven according to the manufacturer’s directions and set at 375 degrees F (190 C). Check that you have a recently inspected fire extinguisher.
    Boil water but don’t have a cow or baby as in the movies. Boil the lasagna noodles as directed on the package. Drain and rinse with cold water.
    In a baking dish spread sufficient tomato sauce to cover. Distribute a layer of noodles. Crumble some Danish blue cheese over the noodles with a dash of lime juice. Carefully pour a third of the bat curry, and sprinkle with Parmesan and mozzarella cheese. Make a another layer of noodles and continue with tomato sauce, Parmesan, and mozzarella cheese. Continue layering until full.
    Cover with foil but don’t let it touch the food. Cook 25 minutes, remove foil, and cook another 25 minutes or less if the fire alarm goes off, or if there’s knocking at the door.
    As in all high protein dishes it is high in arginine. Or you can chew on some cashew nuts while you’re waiting, but don’t go for a walk because you might forget you have something in the oven, or you might get attacked by some crows or bats while near trees or caves.
    Let cool and settle. Exhale.
    While you’re waiting or searching for a fork, it is a good time to read some poetry. Some wine might help, but remember to use a pot holder for all later maneuvers. If you’re clumsy, don’t have wine, or have someone else serve. Caution: may be hazardous to dogs. Waiting for food to cool can be boring, so find some reading materials. Here is a suggestion, but before starting, make sure your dog is supervised and can’t reach the food.

Reading Materials On Which to Marinate Or Ruminate Thoughts

Funding Manslaughter for Science1
    by Douglas Gilbert

In the spirit of global comraderie,
the People’s Institute of Virology
is thanking you now in retrospect,
kudos for your Dr. Faust for funding us.

Yes, true
dealt a woo hand, the Institute
needed funding for naive research
we cited for comity and gains

Yes, we chortled and urged:
Give us your poor tired
huddled money for our
Gain-of-Function research.
We’ve got the bats and
you’ve got your Dr. Faust

Ah so beautiful the many stars
in the constellation of SARS

But the best of all in uniqueness
has a divine Spike protein, and
it shines brightly in the heavens
with a glorious furin-cleavage site

Spike the ball as they say
because you insouciantly
gave us a win; hegemonic
chaos, pandemic, and sin
for Yuēhàn Doe Pandora

The Confucians said
about chimeras that
the bat jester was
in charge of an
infectious laughter,

but it is as serious as
opening the gates of a zoo,
so the Director can take
money for hunters
to sample the bats
both ZC45 and ZXC21*

And it is said by Faust,
Funding manslaughter
is always a risk worth taking.

What a novel thing that
our propaganda wins

And the stars of SARS
shine brightly beautiful
for the glory of the party.

We infer a Confucius quote:
Learn first and give birth later to
the tyrant of the under-temple,
His Highness X Yuēhàn

Do not
make war; trust and just
leave bellicosity to us

Thanks Mr. Lefty Doe, history densely given
the decadent ones of the West, for
your hooligans praise us, and
we love them as much as
our ruffian farmers
in a fond Orwellian sense

Do not
make war; trust and just
leave bellicosity to us

Learn for peace that we are the Dominant Power now.
We are the wise humans of the Global Community
and you are the Neanderthals of Westerns with test tubes.

1 Douglas Gilbert, Faustti Poems and Jousts (New York: ISBN 978-1-387-90990-2 ), 2022, [Amazon: Faustti-Poems-Jousts-Douglas-Gilbert/dp/1387909908], pp. 13-15.

“Faustti Poems and Jousts” (US)









In Penury, Let the School Waifs Be Illiterate With No Need To Count or Read

Roman à clef from the German vineyard. Crimes. Poetry.

Poetry and Stuff

A Remembrance from 2021

It hasn’t been long since the Caitiff Randy Winegarden condemned the school waifs to a life of penury for illiterates and left them to the Apothecary to buy their poison like Romeo and Juliet (Act 5, Scene One, lines 49-60)

by Douglas Gilbert

Back in the old days, Randi Winegarden, through her surrogates, ordered the government to keep the schools closed, and then after the chaos of zoom classes, ordered children who were not vulnerable to the virus to wear masks (even little children who need to see faces). An entire cohort of younger children will grow up not knowing how to read or do math. In less than 10 years, most of them will become criminals and fill the jails.
We present an extract from the past. We remember this from August 6, 2021:

Putting young children in masks is a form of child abuse…

View original post 1,214 more words

Poetry About Bubbles and Dogs

How Doggy Pookie Saved the Day
    by Douglas Gilbert

Doggy Miss Pookie, you jumped so soaringly
to eat the glistening bubbles blowing
and woof, when you made Augusta laugh,
the bubbles of champagne tickled her more

Seemed like
the soap wand was a magic wand
that made us playful
in a bubble of love
on that auspicious day
when I came to love the picnic
the day, and above all I still say:
I love Pookie, Augusta, and me
in a bubble like those in a
babbling brook, or in
the foamy sea, and
the soapy day is clean with joy.