The Supply of Mayonnaise and Ketchup

The Price of Taste

When a leader fades into
angry cognitive dysfunction,

there will be
a mayonnaise of malaise
drenching the meat of speech,
ketchup replacing blood in language,
and even the pricing of fries will be
forbidding the use of oil.

It’s a hot potato to
pass around, but for those

outliers not conforming to sloth:
let them eat words.

Mother Charlotte’s Poison Pen to her Daughter

Dear Daughter,
You got shoes and jewels
for what?

I told your idiot Father
not to let you
go to radical college
to major in
socialism and boyfriends

You’re not liberating:
you’re looting.

Your brother is
dead in Afghanistan. Suppose
he’d want you to have
well heeled shoes to walk in.

Why don’t you
steal something for me —

Yes, please,
go anarchy shopping
at the liquor store

Darling daughter,
why don’t you
rip out my liver, and
fry it in onions with
liberation olive oil

Your idiot Father
let me open my Boutique
and now your comrades
have burnt it to the ground

I’m glad for you
that your professor
gave you an A+ grade

Onward to paradise,
and take my heart.

Meadow of Doom

Give me my praise
I shall not be wanted

Humble is praise in the valley
where the lambs are abundant; I do
not need to want for chops, and
I’d have no need for stewing.

Give me my paprika, the
shepherdess is at the barbecue

My staff, they comfort me not, for
an office gives me my unjust humor;

though cross, I’d let them
humor me well and lead me

to cross the river Styx into Egypt
and find my sticks, no carrots

do not fail me now, for

I must be at a gate of Heaven
to explain my case splayed out
in the verbosity of the century, yea
I come to praise Caesar and myself in kind

Tell me Caesar is there
and I am ubiquitous in
the quadrillion words of praise.

Between a Rock and a Hard Placemat

Erudition alas
has not given me a
speaking part in a
play on words, and alas

I’m caught between
a hard-on path
and a romance

between the snoberati
and the hoi polloi

rolling along the road between
the rock and running joke.

Give me my just desert
and dessert commercial path part,
filmed in the desert with cherries
and with camels who
know the way to the oasis.

Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase (MTHFR)

Alright, oh babe
if you need a petite
broccoli feast and me
just call out
and say now

oh my
folate, oh yeah say

reductase babe, and

if you can’t take a B9
you can be mine to implore,
and for now just explore

just say
methyl any
tetra hydro
and folate yeah, hey

I’ll give you me and my
reductase babe, any day

and I’ve got your nomenclature
right here, and say
Ethyl Merman three times fast
and click your heels to
go back to Kansas City
for the folic follies
and a Wizard at the lab.

The Hummingbird Sings the π Song

Running in circles
in a dream about π
I traveled to
the hummingbird muse,

she among
banana peels and fruit flies,
3 meters from hiding places
in elm, mulberry, and willow
that she

might indeed feed
on flowers after
our magic hour.

Her fluttering wings
murmured a song for me
an answer to a question
I hadn’t yet asked.

“How big is π ” I asked.

She stood a moment:
convulsed two wings
oddly flat and still like
outstretched hands

Almost like a fisherman bragging:

Oh! I said.
But that’s four centimeters.

After a flutter
she stood again:

three centimeters.

Well then I’ll
flutter a song
I call:
Too Big Too Small:
it starts loud and fades away, and
you must tell me when to stop
when I’ve shown you what you want.

How will I know?

It’s your dream
so you’ll know.

Hurruph gee
I murmur
many times
though the song
is beautiful


It’s fading, and then…
Hmm, I say


The wings were stretched
a smidgen over three centimeters.
But how much?

I don’t know, she said.
Look and listen to the song.
When the music is in your heart
you’ll hear it in the silence.

My Love is an Atheist by “Diane”

I tell you:
you must believe in Heaven
because when you die

I don’t want you to
forget me, and

my dear atheist
I don’t want you to end

I want you to continue
with me forever.

Give me your hand, and
I will comfort you at your death bed.

I like beds
as you know

So in the snow
can we watch the flakes
flow like angels
you don’t believe in

But you believe in me
and I will lift you
because I love you.

Take my hand before you die.
Pardon an aside:

Oh my God please
welcome my friend
who I recommend, and
if need be

I will give
examples of love
for me and many

and when he dies
could you comfort him.

I beseech You for a miracle
because I love him as he is

And now my dear
can I tell you
that you will die, but
I’ve made a reservation for you
in a very fine establishment
that I think you will like

Wait for me though, ’cause
I don’t want to surprise you too soon

Don’t despair; I care. Just,
wait for me, my love, because
I will seize you abundance
that you will love in surprise.

So many fair things I will bless for you.

Just wait and don’t be sad because
I’ll gather these gifts from my heart.

I don’t know why you would die, but
wait for me because
when I come, I’ll
bathe you in my
stunning love
—- Douglas Gilbert
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